Today has been one of those days wherein if I don't laugh, I will most certainly cry. It all started when I went to move my blender so that I could make the smoothies for the family breakfast. I dropped it. The blender. Onto the tile floor. Guess who won that battle? Not the blender. It broke into lots and lots of pieces. The silver lining there is that it did not hit my naked toes, which were very close to the point of impact.
Luckily, I have a food processor, too. So I used it to make the smoothies, which are banana, blueberry, yogurt and spinach. The spinach is a secret. Don't tell the girls, or I will hunt you down. Not that it matters to Juli. I presented the smoothies to them, alongside a piece of warm homemade banana bread slathered with butter and fresh strawberries. Breakfast of champions, right? I was feeling ok about it. Abby ate it like it was her last meal - savoring every bite and issuing compliments with every exhale. Juli turned up her nose at the whole thing. Fine. She eats a second breakfast at school anyway. Time to get them out the door.
As I lock the inside of the doorknob and pull the door shut behind me and head to the car, I realize that my keys are not in my purse. Where could they be? I ask Juli, who was the last one who had them, where she put mommy's keys yesterday. "In your purse," she replied. "But they're not in here, Juli." I answered. "Not that purse, Mommy. Your browwwwn one," she singsongs back. I am currently carrying my coral one. Great. I dig frantically, only to discover that Dan's spare key to the minivan is somehow in my purse. Thank goodness! I will just drive the kids to school and call him along the way so that I can pick up his house key.
Yeah. About that. Remember the phone call this morning? The one where Mom called to talk about the girls' Christmas present (a LeapPad 2!!!)? Remember where I put the phone when I was done? Yep. On the kitchen counter. Soooo, I am locked out with no way to call anyone. Fabulous.
Priorities. Gotta get Abby to school on time. I drive her to school and then proceed to Goddard. On the way there, Juli announces that she is hungry and would like a snack. I explained to her that, as she forwent breakfast, she would not be getting a snack from me and thank goodness she gets breakfast at Goddard. Why did I feel like a bad mom? Why? I shouldn't feel bad, right? I offered her a wonderful breakfast. She did not eat it. Her problem, right??
Anyway, I get to Goddard and drop her off, where she starts to explain to her teachers that I would not feed her this morning. Really??? I felt obligated to explain the entire morning to them so that they did not call CPS on me.
Then I go to their office so I can call Dan at work. After explaining everything to him, he states, "I don't have a house key on me." Seriously?? Then he rummages around and finds one. Of course, though, his morning is filled with meetings so he can't bring it home until after lunch. I offered to come and get it, but I would need directions to his office, as we just moved here and it is three towns over and I just. don't. know. how. to. get. there.
His reply? "Use the GPS on your phone." Helloooo!!! I don't have the phone, which is why I am calling from the Goddard School office. I don't have the GPS, which is in the phone. As I am exasperatedly telling him this, the director is sitting behind me, frantically typing on her computer. She manages to pull up not only directions from Goddard to Baxter, but also directions from Baxter to home. Bless. her.
Off I go to Baxter to pick up the key, and then home. Thank goodness.
So, I am finally inside. Laundry going. Dishwasher going. Blender pieces in the trash can. I am going back to bed.