Halp! When Does This Ride End??

I have two daughters and a bonus-daughter (who I sadly don't see very often). My oldest (biological) daughter is 13. Dealing with her on a daily basis is like riding a roller coaster. She is happy. She is angry. She is crying. She is happy again. IS THIS NORMAL? I have not been able to spend a lot of time with my bonus-daughter during her teen years because she is living in another state, so I don't have a lot of personal experience.

I am a fifth grade teacher, but my students are better behaved than my sweet baboo of a daughter. Plus they are younger, so maybe not on the hormone-a-coaster that A is on.

Today's episode of How the Teen Turns is brought to us by me. She loves to play the flute and has been at it for four years. I signed her up for flute camp at George Mason Community Arts Academy. (Insert vision of riding a roller coaster up the hill. Slowly. Clackety clack, clackety clack.) She is excited because she gets to stay the week on a college campus with a flute-playin' roommate and everything. Clackety clack. She is excited because she gets to eat at the student union and play her beloved Betsy (do all musicians name their instruments?) all day every day. Clackety clack. She is excited because she will be in charge of herself (with an RA nearby, of course). Why can I only see sky?? Where is the rest of the track??

Now, picture the zooming downhill at an uncomfortably steep angle and speed. Here we go. Too late now. She is NOT excited because I signed her up to play at the student recital, which is where she plays part of a song for her peers. She is very upset with me for this and threatening to stop playing flute forever. Really? REALLY?? This thing costs a lot of money (to a teacher, anyway) and she is pissy with me for pushing her out of her comfort zone.

Pushing kids out of their comfort zone is what I do for a living. I am a fifth grade math and science teacher. I LIVE outside of the comfort zone. Just do it, kiddo. Like that time you didn't want to learn to ride a bike because you fell. Get back on and do it anyway. Try again. Like the time you did not want to learn to swim because the water was too cold/deep/scary. Take a breath and jump in and do it anyway. Have I ever pushed her to do anything that was bad for her?? Now, she rides her bike to middle school two miles each way every day. She loves it. She prefers it to the bus. Now she is on the swim team at our fitness club. She is a beautiful, graceful, fast swimmer. She advanced faster than Coach Bill has ever seen anybody advance.

She will succeed with the flute, too. But for now, she is angry and scared. One day, she will be past this difficult time in her life. One day, she will appreciate this. One day, she will love me again.

Oh, and she got a ukulele today from her uncle Greg. She is over the moon about it. I am off to search for a ukulele camp for next summer...

Are We Pushing Too Hard?

It took me eight years to graduate from college with a B.A. in Sociology. This is not normal. What we are supposed to do is graduate in four years. Because every kid knows what they want to do with their life when they are 17 years old, right? This is reasonable...or not.

In many countries other than ours, a gap year is the norm. Students graduate from high school and then take a year to travel, work, clear their head, sow their seeds, fulfill some sort of religious or familial obligation, or figure out what they want to do.

Many parents are concerned that this will lead to their child not going to college. Not true. In fact, not only do they still go to college, but they go with more of a laser focus and get better grades than they would have if they had gone directly from high school. Look it up. The studies are out there.

When I went to school, I entered as a psychology major, changed my major to English, and then changed it again to sociology. I graduated with every intention of going into federal law enforcement and then became a teacher. Because, duh... Teaching is actually very similar to law enforcement if you ask me.

So here I am, saving for my girls to go to college. I am married to a man who is currently studying for his MBA and I already have my MSEd. If my girls come to me and want to take a year off, will I let them? Yes. Will I still encourage them to further their education? Yes. In their own way and in their own time.